GRIZZLY PEAR

written snapshots

Category: Practices

  • Big Numbers!

    Let’s start with the biggest and most important numbers: 1,501 posts and 5,663 days.

    Everything starts with the work. Do it. Do it again. And again.

    But that’s boring, and let’s be real — I’m not banging out an analysis of “5663”.

    Like many writers, I check the dashboard every few days and was pleasantly surprised to see that I had finally crossed the 100 subscriber mark on Substack!

    Whoohoo! But this screenshot only tells the last 3.8% of the story. Here’s the rest of it.

    I started Grizzlypear.com in June of 2008 with two readers — me and my dad. (My girlfriend, now wife, never reads my ramblings cause she gets plenty in real time.)

    Thirteen years later, I still had two readers. I would occasionally try to increase visibility to no avail, aside from Facebook spamming me to pay for a boost to the most recent post.

    In mid-2021, I started an industry related newsletter. Even though the effort fizzled out in a few months, the effort got me onto Mailchimp with ten more ten readers, including my mom and sister, friends and three folks I’ve never met IRL!

    About a year ago, I joined Post where I met a great crowd but after they slow-walked critical features, I jumped to Notes this April along with seven fellow travelers.

    For the first few months I posted daily and grew steadily. Then September got crazy so I dropped down to a weekly schedule and growth slowed. So here is how I got to 113 readers:

    What do I make of it all?

    I’m an early 21st century anachronism with a personal blog. I entered that scene as it was being strangled by Social Media™, but I kept my site because I loved having my own home on the internet.

    However, if you wanna grow, you gotta do what Zig Ziglar advises “You can get anything you want if you help enough people get what they want.” Or if you forgo the self help business, then be “so good that they can’t ignore you” (as quipped by Steve Martin).

    These fifteen years of blogging taught me that it’s OK to just enjoy a hobby. I have a great job. I don’t need an audience to serve. I’m allowed to be a dilettante, exploring the arts without the discipline or patience to become great at anything.

    I might be a disappointment to Zig and Steve, but I’ve had fun archiving these meanderings (board games, business books, sourdough bread, sketches, poetry, calligraphy) for future reference.

    And then Substack swooped in to distribute this work and connect into a network of creatives. Notes is a great place to keep me inspired and challenged. So here we are, with this email slamming into a hundred inboxes!

    Yes, this is just number, but it’s cool — three digits of cool! After more than a decade of silence, it’s gratifying to know people want to see my next letter. And it’s nice to get feedback. (Dopamine!)

    Would I be bummed if the count slides back down? Of course, I’m human. But it is just a number. If my interests go weird, I wouldn’t want to force y’all to follow along. I’ll keep writing cause this is my practice.

    Blogging is a good practice. The world might not need your input, but you need your input. Writing publicly forces us to look carefully and to process the richness that surrounds us. Write what you see, and your soul comes into focus.

    Do it long enough and you’ll find a few folks to accompany the journey.

    Jump in! Five thousand days later, you might stumble upon a goldmine of email addresses!

  • Why I write (and publish)

    1. So I don’t forget. To crystalize a moment.
    2. It sharpens my thinking. Writing squeezes out the slop in a stray notion.
    3. Sharing for the future. My work isn’t best-in-class, but it’s not worthless. A future reader might find threads of silver amongst the dross. That person might be me.
    4. To get better at writing. Posting publicly hones the craft. Leveling up can be its own joy (and help with work emails and memos.)
    5. For the company, to be part of a conversation and contribute to the zeitgeist. It’s fun to get responses and comments.

    Blogging is an exercise of whispering into the hurricane. My practice is more about self improvement than broadcasting. The reception of others are a fickle shadow. The privilege is in doing work.

    In the moment it isn’t easy fun like watching a video, but I find a deeper joy through all parts of the process, drafting, editing, posting. Why else would I do this for fifteen years?

    ~231109

  • Journal Notes (11/5, 11/6)

    I’m still trying to figure out what to do with my morning pages. Or even whether to bother.

    It’s good to just blather. Get shit off my chest like the day after 10/7. Maybe it’s self therapy? And there’s always the ubiquitous Things To Do list.

    But sometimes it’s a chore to hit three pages. So I just shoot for two. The first flip between the first and second pages is a great mind wipe, but I feel like I’m just burning ink and killing trees to fill up page three.

    Julia Cameron says you shouldn’t package the journal for public consumption, but I’ve started roughing out blog posts some mornings. And the last couple of days I jotted some half-baked thoughts that want to be recorded somewhere.


    Expectation is the thief of joy.

    Not a new concept, just a variation of the Buddhist origin of suffering. My personal insight is that comparison and optimization are also expectations (against others and an idealized perfect). These are all bandits against internal peace.


    With work and home being so hectic, I need to be more present with the kids. I’m trying out a new pair of personal rules. Our parents never had to wrestle against the allure of a pocket computer.

    1. No Youtube when they’re awake!
    2. Leave the phone upstairs (in the home office)

    This also applies to life in general. I need to reduce stream of outside words being implanted into my brain. More jazz, less podcasts.


    What is the difference between Craft and Connoisseurship?

    Both entail a dissatisfaction with the status quo. But Connoisseurship is unhappiness with others, while Craft is the continual striving for personal improvement. Maybe that’s why I value Craft as a practice while being suspicious of Connoisseurship as a sneaky form of optimization.


    Making is an act of faith.

    Faith that something “good” will pop out. Or that I’ll learn something for next time.

  • Alphabet Magic (2022-2023)

    Last week, I uploaded the letter “Z” of Alphabet Magic, pairing photos of everyday life with sketches of my hand forming the ASL manual alphabet.

    Just another post, but I couldn’t let it pass without comment.

    I took more art studios than architecture studios in college, but stopped drawing over the past two decades; constipated with perfection. After turning forty, I eliminated drawing from of my list of future projects (along with reading Chinese and the Guan Dao kung fu form).

    Then Post came online last year. I wanted to help make the place that I wanted to see, so this alphabet series was my contribution. The winter of 2022-2023 was a magical season when quirky artists came together for a mass experiment. (Much as Substack has become a beautiful writer’s oasis).

    When it became clear Post management was focused on news and opinion, I hopped over to Substack and turned the drawings into a formal series, pairing it with my contributions to Charlene Storey’s weekly thread of “everyday magic”.

    Twenty-six weeks later I’ve posted half a year of hands and magic.

    So what next? Well I have plenty more hands. After joining Substack, Wendy MacNaughton hosted a 30 day sketching challenge around the same time Ashlyn Ashantee got me really into fountain pens. So I kept drawing with hatching and new wacky nibs.

    Next week, I’ll start the second series, with a bit more variety, still with a pop of everyday magic, but with less alliterative titles. Maybe I’ll throw in the occasional calligraphy experiment and zine (inspired by a conversation with d.w. and John Ward on Notes).

    In home, school, or work, I’ve learned that projects start with promise, grind through midlife, and shutter with little fanfare. But I’ve also learned that the anticipation of triumph will eventually realized in retrospect long after the moment has faded.

    As I mature, I’m slowly embracing the process. It’s a privilege to draw. It’s a privilege to do anything beyond the bare necessities. It’s a privilege to share — thanks for reading!

    The results are up to the fickle gods, but we can always exhilarate in the chase.

  • Don’t be a prince, be noble.

    不事王侯,高尚其事。
    I Ching 18, line 6

    The footnote to my “Penny Delights” are an extremely idiosyncratic rendition of the I Ching. This is how I normally write them up.

    • Perform a quick reading (Russell Cottrell has a great yarrow stalk program)
    • Pick out the predominant line (using the method described by SJ Marshall)
    • Copy the original Chinese from Project Gutenberg.
    • Paste it into Google Translate (often unintelligible),
    • Reference a couple translations (on Russell Cottrell’s download)
    • Freelance wildly to create a little doggerel that may — or may not — have anything to do with the original.


    Today’s reading was a first. Google translate both made sense and actually aligned with the proper translations. So I passed it along untouched.

    Great life advice to boot!

  • Hangzhou Hua

    My wife and her parents speak dialect at home. It can be off-putting to be left out at the dinner table, but I speak English with my wife, so it evens out.

    I occasionally mention that she should teach the kids Hangzhou Hua, but I know that it will never happen. My sister and I also started in Chinese but migrated to English after hitting elementary school.

    The other day, we tested them on the dialect. Like my halting mandarin, they have a functional knowledge of their mother’s tongue without speaking it.

    Amidst the lunchtime banter, the decades collapsed into a flicker. One day, this unique set of vocalizations will disappear from the aural background of our home.

    Unless we move to Hangzhou, my wife’s dialect will follow her parents. Her childhood will go mute. Like other indigenous languages, it will disappear slowly then suddenly.

    Another casualty of mass culture, one more accommodation in an immigrant’s story.

  • Day 6 and 7 of the New Year – Sticks and a Shave

    a novice reads the I Ching

    How should we approach the New Year?

    1:4,5 to 26

    Yesterday afternoon, I took out my sticks for a reading while the kids played with their new “kid’s only” tent. The boy came out from the clubhouse and started messing with them as I created groups of fours.

    He even attempted a cartwheel while holding a bundle. (Thankfully he didn’t poke an eye!) I told him to keep his feet on the floor if he wanted to keep playing with sticks.

    Traditionally, yarrow stalks are used for I Ching divination. Maybe I’ll plant a batch one year. Until then, I have a collection of sticks from my backyard, the in-law’s garden, and from the desert overlooking the NSC Education Building that we built during the pandemic.

    It’s a ragtag collection of more-or-less straight sticks that aren’t too knobbly, slightly smoother after to multiple readings. (I also tried using 50 unsharpened pencils, but that’s too industrial. I’d rather use coins.)

    After obtaining the result, we were called downstairs for dinner. We watched The Fantastic Mr. Fox and played until the ball dropped in Times Square. That was enough for NYE. I did the dishes and closed the evening by reading Roald Dahl while listening to Bill Evans. A pleasant goodnight for the old year.

    After I woke up in 2023, I read the texts from yesterday’s divination, conducted my morning jaunt on Post, gave myself a proper shave for no good reason beyond the calendar date, and put on Waltz for Debby again.

    Let’s write it up to start the (real) New Year!

    ~

    1. Heaven 乾
    (heaven over heaven)

    Creative. Ride the six dragons. Heaven over heaven, movement is constant. Sublime Success. Nothing is static, clouds dance with another. Perseverance gives power in the moment.

    Changing Line 4
    (yang becomes yin)

    Leap into repose. No hurry. Inaction may be the right course. Move with deliberation. Attune oneself to the task. A delicate moment between two worlds. Hesitation is warranted.

    Changing Line 5
    (yang becomes yin)

    Flying Dragon. Find a virtuous partner. Search for good company. Trust in resonance. A chorus of shared inner strength. Spontaneity, time to fly. The work is ready. Leap. Advantage.

    26. Great Domestication 大畜
    (mountain over heaven)

    Not eating at home. When the soul is ready, branch out. Heaven in the mountain, the heart is prepared with great virtue. Profit. Inner strength is the core of action. Release them for great good. Cross the river.

    ~

    Auspicious start
    Move deliberately
    Find the sage
    Great deeds

    ~

    P.S. My back is still tender…but I can touch my toes again! Thanks for reading my spontaneous silly liminal week journal.

    Have a great new year!

    Justus

  • Day 3 of the New Year — finding pieces of myself at 1.0x speed.

    My back was good enough (barely) to go to the park with the kids.

    Before getting back into the car* I swung my arms around and discovered back muscles that I didn’t know existed.

    Is this the #silverlining of #backpain?

    * My wife was driving, there’s no way I would operate a vehicle outside of a dire emergency.

    Oh and I survived my first day of living at 1.0x speed.


    If it’s not worth 1.0x speed, it’s not worth it.

    Maybe this will be rule #5.

    Is there a hidden cost of trying to fit everything in? I can’t to remember anything from audiobooks that I “read” at 1.5x speed. Let’s not talk about YouTube.

    Such an approach would force me to be pickier about my information consumption.

    I also wonder if listening to things at high speed is grooving bad hidden psychological habits.

  • 5 rules for the New Year

    starting today, ending tomorrow?

    1. Exercise first!
    2. No YouTube until the four dailies are done (Write, Sketch, Photo, Read)
    3. Play with the kids when they ask me to join them.
    4. No snacks until down to a proper weight.

  • ± 100 Posts!

    a novice reads the I Ching

    How shall I consider 100 Posts?

    63:3 to 3

    Heading into our third weekend together, this will be my 100th post. (Technically I hit it earlier, but I deleted a few stray Posts along the way.)

    I pick up — and drop — hobbies with alacrity. I wish I weren’t so fickle, but I’m not the only one. There are many conflicting pulls on our time. Doing one means diminishing another, so I cycle through my recreations.

    Over the past two decade, we’ve seen social media platforms rise and fall. Glittering potential dissolving into pernicious squabbling. A brilliant dawn fades into tragedy.

    Will this be an apex or a milestone? I don’t know. If it’s near the top, then early gratitude for these magical 16 days. If the latter, then I look forward to many more Posts together.

    ~

    63. After Completion 既濟
    (water over fire)

    Success in small matters. Good fortune in at the beginning. But things might end in chaos. Equilibrium on a knife’s edge, calamitous disorder on both sides. Water over fire, steam gives power but fraught with danger. With the wrong attitude completion leads to decay. Practice constancy.

    Changing Line 3
    (yang becomes yin)

    Conquer demon territory. Establish a bastion in the borderlands. It will take capable leadership and persistence. Three years. A bold initiative will become a protracted campaign. Employ people of character. The work will exact a brutal toll. A petty man will lose it all.

    3. Difficulty at the Beginning 屯
    (water over quake)

    Life grows through the abyss. Great potential is attainable with good character. Be adaptable and dynamic, as clouds and thunder. Birth is a treacherous moment. Associate with noble people.

    ~

    Good start, don’t get cocky.
    Victory is attainable at great cost.
    Shape order from chaos with good company.