Just coincidentally, I sent off my thank you notes and paid off my credit card bill, today. We had a very simple wedding, so fortunately we won’t be eating interest on the extravaganza, it just happened to be the lag time between reception transaction and final bank autopay withdrawal But wow. If you ever want advice on having a relatively cheap but decent wedding in Las Vegas we’d love to help. Cause even a simple wedding gets expensive fast!
Aside from that, just thanks to everyone. Everyone who came and everyone who wished us well. And to our parents. Cheers!
Like most rescue buns, his early history is long lost to memories of another household, who most likely bought him as a cute little baby bunny without realizing he would quickly become a big white rabbit with a strong personality. They then dumped him at a local shelter, who couldn’t get him adopted and when a spot opened up at the House Rabbit Society, he was brought in at the eleventh hour before being euthanized. He got his name there, the vet named him Badger due to his long sharp face and his propensity to nip people without warning. I originally adopted him to be a third wheel with another pair of rabbits. It looked promising at first; they all seemed to put up with each other in their initial meeting. But in actuality the pair was in shock from being driven to the shelter and being introduced to a new rabbit, and once they realized this was supposed to be a permanent arrangement, they made it very clear it was not acceptable. Even though Badger was almost as big as the other two combined, they fought him tooth and nail for a month before we finally gave up. Badger still has a little scar on his nose, nothing obvious, but if you looked closely, you would have seen a slight part in his fur.
So he was consigned to live for his first four years as a single bunny. Even after I broke up with my own partner and the pair moved back to California, Badger still had the occasional rabbit visitor in his house from friends in grad school. He never seemed that interested in their company, and though he was always the biggest bunny, he still managed lose the couple fights he managed to get into. I don’t think he ever had that deep fire, that true anger that made him proficient at actually fighting. He appreciated attention, but he never craved it. He enjoyed company, but to a point. He had a quick temper, you could pet him for a while, but once he had enough he would nip your hand without warning and hop away. As long as he had his water, pellets, greens, and hay, I think he was reasonably happy. Really, he loved his food. I remember the time he broke into a bag of tortilla chips and it took a year before he stopped pestering me whenever sat down to each something crunchy. And there was the time he knocked over a trashcan and tried out some rotisserie chicken! A nice middle class existence for a big white bunny.
Life intervened as I was wrapping up my master’s thesis. My girlfriend’s coworker found a lovely little harlequin bunny at Herman Park on Christmas Day. Unfortunately, this coworker was also the owner of a few snakes, so having a precocious rabbit riling up the big reptiles was not a good sustainable situation. With this prompt, I realized it was time to push Badger into having a friend and so Peppercorn ended up in our apartment. It took a few months before we could start bonding the pair – she had to grow up, get spayed, and drain out her hormones – and even with the long wait it wasn’t love at first sight, I think Badger was a bit too comfortable being by himself. But some after some persistent effort by Jing, he warmed up to this annoying little one who would eat all his food and hog the attention of the humans around them. And hump him. And demand grooming while rarely reciprocating. Their love only knew two boundaries. Whenever Badger thought she was getting too much human attention he would hop over and nip her in the butt so he could have his time in the spotlight until he got bored, nipped the human, and hopped away. And given a chance she would eat all his food; Badger was the heartiest eater I knew until we met this ferocious devourer; though with any unfamiliar fruits and greens, Peppercorn would let Badger try it out a couple times before she’d jump in herself.
Well, Peppercorn lost her food taster on Saturday. Over this last month he quickly declined due to arthritis, e. cunniculi, cancer, and infections. It was just a matter of time. He had lost almost half his weight and the use of his hind legs. After he began to have trouble sitting up with his front legs, I made plans to to take him in this week, but his body decided a little earlier. A couple days before he passed, I gave them some cilantro but when she threatened to inhale the whole bunch at high speed, I put her back in the cage so he could eat in peace. For the first time ever, Badger stopped eating until I let her back out to join him. I always fed them separately and he never waited for her before. I think he knew he did not have many meals left, and he wanted to share it with his lady – even if she would eat most of it. On Saturday morning he ate with gusto, but by the afternoon his appetite disappeared, and in the evening he was no longer with us. I have never been through something as heart wrenching as watching my Badger travel the passage out from the living. He no longer had the energy to sit up, and his body was convulsing as he went through his death throes. In our years together, he never spoke a word until he moaned in pain that night. Then he quieted down, his mouth opened, and life departed from his body. We were fortunate to all be sitting around him, me, Jing, and Peppercorn, but that final journey was one Badger had to take alone.
He now rests in my friends’ backyard. Even though they had a young newborn at home, my friends graciously stayed up late so Peppercorn could have her vigil with Badger. So late on Saturday night, we took him out of their cage, wrapped him up, went to our friend’s house, dug a small grave, and buried his body. But really the hardest part for us was coming home. For the first time in five years, Peppercorn was sitting by herself, and it tore our hearts out. Jing used to always ask me who I thought was was the cutest bunny ever. And I’d reply, Badger by way of seniority. Well Peppercorn’s got seniority now. And she doesn’t have a competitor for food either. Its just her world now, she no longer has to worry about the unfairness of life as Badger was fed unlimited pellets while she got only an eighth of a cup.
I never viewed myself as a sappy guy and so I always thought I had a distant relationship with the buns: I would feed them and in return they would provide entertainment by just being rabbits, doing their thing (destroying stuff) around the house. But when I came home to a quiet house, when I realized I couldn’t say “stay out of trouble kiddos” in the plural, I realized I had invested in him way more than I had previously imagined. As with most relationships, enduring strength is built on the small accretion of daily life, and every day I had given him a little bit of myself. Every time we let them out the cage and he’d just plop himself under the coffee table. Every time I chased Peppercorn away so he could eat in peace. Every time we sat together for a short moment. Every time I fed him, and he acted like he had never seen food before. Every time, every little act, every day I deposited a little bit of my heart into him. So when he finally passed away, it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. I had no idea how much he meant to me – I thought I just liked the guy cause he was soft and silly and entertaining. But no, I cared for him because he had soaked up so much of me in him. As pet owners, I think we like to map our own traits on those who we’ve chosen to spend our lives with. But of the four bunnies I’ve had the privilege of living with, I think I felt the most kinship with Badger. He was a big lug, a bit silly, loved food and sitting around, would display occasional bouts of joy, got lucky with a nice lady, and had a bad temper that would manifest itself unpredictably. He was my big boy and every day we shared more than just food and water.
I would have loved to keep him a little longer, and maybe there would have been some drugs that would have kept him going. But really I can’t complain, his health was stellar his whole life until the ravages of time suddenly made itself known this past month. And honestly, if he was quietly suffering, I’m happy he didn’t have to wait another week before traveling to the great beyond. As I washed down his litter box one last time (truly, god is with us in the most mundane of tasks!), I realized the interconnectedness of this world; whatever life force that left him Saturday night is now free to do what it needs to do for someone else. Even though the body is in the ground, I could sense Badger all around me, as surely as he will always be a big white bunny hopping through my memories.
Like most rescue buns, its a bit hard to pin down his true age, I’d guess its been ten years and I was very blessed to have been there for nine of them.
Well there are a bunch of other things going down right now. And so I’ve realized that this blog run, while a good experiment, needs to go on pause. I’ll pick it back up when things slow down a little, but between my double saber and straight sword learning kick and a hectic schedule at work, I think this blog will need to be jettisoned for a little.
One thing I’ve learned over the past few years, other than that I pick up and drop hobbies pretty quickly, is that time is always tight and its best to be careful how you budget it. Unfortunately this blog gets to wait till later….
Interesting that I should celebrate the fourth week of the revitalized blog by missing the post day…so I’ll just back date this.
I guess this is when the energy and attention begins to flag. I’m gonna keep pushing ahead, but I’ll have to admit the daily publishing schedule is a rigorous push. I’m going to keep this going for a bit longer, but if I think its getting in the way of life, I’m gonna have to put this on hiatus.
As I get more serious about this blog, I will be most likely messing around with it more also. Unfortunately that means certain things may change for better or worse. Namely, I’m going to most likely kill my feedburner plugin so the RSS feeds will go back to being out of the box with the wordpress site. Odds are the theme will most likely go back to an OOTB theme for a little bit until I get a better grasp of what I really want.
As I get older, I’ve learned that customizing often just isn’t worth the hassle of upkeep! OOTB!
Just had a quiet dinner with my girlfriend at home tonight. We had some random music in the background and were just drinking some soup and eating a steamed bun. The dining table as usual was a mess. The ceiling fan was running. The rabbits were hanging out in their cage. Nothing special.
It was just one of those quiet moments where you might find a director lingering a bit too long in some artsy indie flick. But somehow, like in many of those such films, the quiet moments are the memorable moments. Something strangely rich about something mundane happening. Even though all the quiet moments blend together over time, the add up to something more than another dinner at a fancy restaurant.
Maybe I posted this three years ago…maybe I didn’t. And maybe I wrote up a couple posts earlier this week that I can’t find now. Well digging around my draft box, I found this post which apparently never got published…so does that balance things out?
It was pretty deflating to lose a couple posts. But then again, I’m not writing long form essays here! The thoughts will come back if they are any good. And if don’t come back to mind, then y’all missed out on nothing. After three weeks at this I suspect that if this blog continues for an extended period, it will be have a core group of ideas that will be repeated and repackaged and reworded and revisited again and again.
By the way 2009 feels like yesterday, how on earth did it get to be 2012 already!?!
This post was originally actually a response to a question “What is a musician?” out in the modern blues harmonica forum.
I had also posted it in boardgamegeek because this ethos is tangentially related to gaming because I think it is good example of my populist approach to the production of art and why I agree with BGG’s liberal distribution of the “game designer” badge. I know some people think its a shame that these badges are watered down, but I think its a good thing. More people, especially hardcore gamers, should try their hand at actually designing a game. Trite as it sounds, getting the “game designer” badge motivated me to take some loose ideas for the decktet and spend the time to shape them into something “designed”. My games aren’t great, maybe not even good, but the exercise was definitely valuable.
…
A musician is someone who practices music.
Like a doctor practices medicine, a lawyer practices law, or (my profession) an architect practices the design of buildings. For better or worse, the government hasn’t deemed music-making to be worthy of official legal status so I think one is free to set the bar pretty low. And that’s great, I don’t think exalting the word “musician” is a good thing.
Making art is intimidating enough, and I think we should eliminate as many barriers as possible that keep people from practicing art. This world needs more people who practice music; we have enough people who consume and purchase music. I constantly think about the fact that you only had two options a century ago: listen to someone else play music “live” or make it yourself. Even though it is amazing that a couple mouse clicks can get you to all the Little Walter you can handle, there is something deeply powerful and transformative about actually practicing music, making music. I’m not saying I’d want to listen to noises that all these musicians are making, but society would be better if each individual practiced music, it rewires the brain and uplifts the soul.
This was brings up an interesting thought coming from my own musical history. My parents had me learn piano for a short while. The also let me play around with the trombone to get just skilled enough to make it into the UC Berkeley marching band (for one inglorious year). I am very grateful that my parents put their efforts and money into learning me some music, but it never truly clicked. Nor ten years ago when I purchased and practiced a banjo for a while on my own.
I think each of those attempts died because I never actually practiced music. Obviously there are a lot of great pianists, banjo pickers, and trombone players, playing in all styles and training under different systems in ways that feed their souls. But unfortunately for me, each of my previous forays died out because I had approached practice as executing a performance using that particular instrument. I was practicing an intense exercise in mental and motor skills that happened to produce pleasant noises on a good day. But I wasn’t practicing music – there wasn’t the inspirational foundation that could keep me going for the long haul.
I’m still in a honeymoon phase with the harmonica so who knows if it will last, but I have high hopes. This time I’ve approached this endeavor differently from before, emphasizing playing by ear, improvising, and just enjoying the journey instead of shooting for a destination. There has certainly been a lot of noises made…and just occasionally I’ve made some music. Nothing you’d ever want to hear, but music that came from me and music that I heard! That’s why I call myself a musician. A couple months ago I wasn’t a musician. I am a musician today. I suck at being a musician, but with constant effort I’m building up the skill, knowledge and experience towards being a better musician…maybe even a musician that someone other than my pet rabbits could stand listening to!
I should make it clear, I’m not at all denigrating skill nor the endeavor to become more skilled. The music that one produces is limited by their own skills and anyone serious about their art should be pushing their limitations and capabilities. I’m just saying that making music is something everyone should indulge in. To be doubly clear, I agree that the definition of a professional musician is a totally different beast…that “professional” word adds a whole new level expectations and standards…just like the difference between a “designer” and an “architect”.
…
And for the record, I would fully support a “published game designer” badge that was not easy to obtain. However, I wish there were more amateur game designers, I think it would be good for the hobby.
Its been a few months and I thought I’d just say hello! Not much else going on, keeping busy with Gables Bering. Hope y’all have a lovely holiday season!
but I’ve decided that I should start doing some things on this blog site too just to keep it moving along after a half hear of stagnation!
So here’s the list as I wrote it down with notes, not as ordered by boardgame geek ranking.
Brass – Martin Wallace
Troyes – Dice and Hype
El Grande – A classic I haven’t tried
Tigris and Euphrates – good online, I hope its better in person
Le Havre – I liked Agricola
Modern Art – Auctions, good first play
Princes of Florence – Auctions, I didn’t like the first play but its well regarded
Hansa – Mark Johnson
Africa- Mark Johnson
Bohnanza – Mark Johnson
Caylus – Great Game
Tichu/Thirteen Combo – I’ve been trying to get this game played for a while!
Caroom – Pool meets Crokoinle
Arabian Nights – sounds crazy
Australia – area control and another continent
Manhattan – very abstract but sounds like light crazy nastiness
Aton – great 2P area control
Foppen – Trick taking AND shedding, interesting
San Marco – you distribute I pick…and a gorgeous board
Through the Ages – it seems long but well regarded
Stone Age – it was very popular at one time
Shogun / Wallenstien – seems to be well regarded
Mu and lots more – a bunch of interesting card games
Mexica – part of a trilogy where I didn’t like the first game that I played, but this one has a nice looking board.
Power and Weakness – somehow it intruiges me
