GRIZZLY PEAR

written snapshots

Category: Life

  • Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Chris Columbus, 2001

    I only watched this because of my daughter. I was just old enough to miss the book phenomenon, and I couldn’t be bothered to the watch the movies.

    So far, it’s done nothing to interest me in reading the books, but I’ll be fine with watching future movies if she insists (tellingly, she hasn’t insisted in the months since we’ve watched it).

    She had fun, though as all good readers she was disappointed in some of the changes.

    Voldemort is a properly horrific villain. I could only imagine how much more scary this movie would be with modern CG.

    But really, I’m realizing I’m an animation fan. Maybe it has something to do with watching very little TV (aside from documentaries) while growing up. Or I just prefer the surreal possibilities of that medium. Or the pure craft of the art.

    Real life is magical enough, I don’t feel compelled to watch other humans live their lives on the big screen.

    Maybe it’s cause I’m getting older. I feel a slight pressure of time and yet still harbor a desire to develop a deeper subject knowledge in a few cool subjects. The only way to square that circle is to start actively cutting things out.

    Like in jazz. I ain’t ever giving up Coltrane, Thelonious, Kind of Blue, or Keith Jarrett’s solo albums. But I’ve recently decided to focus my listening on jazz trios. If it’s not one those greats, there better only be three folks on stage.

    Or my recent trend towards avoiding books that are younger than me (Calvino and Murakami excepted), letting the ravages of time simplify my choices.

    Then again, I thought I’d do something similar with EDM and Glitch Hop, but it doesn’t seem to have panned out. I’m back to listening to whatever banging noise gets me through work.

    Who knows. It’s a time of flux.

    It’s always a time of flux.

  • OPM.45 Blood Money

    When I was in private practice, I avoided thinking about cost and schedule. Not that I was wasteful with my clients’ money, but these matters weren’t my responsibility.

    As an Owner’s PM, that’s flipped. Budgets and schedules are what I do. Half my job is to justify funding for these projects (and the other half is to spend the money).

    This experience has made war really expensive.

    An M1A2 Main Battle Tank costs $9 million. Four of those would build a new 67,000 square feet school of education building that took five years of my life.

    It costs $44,000 per hour to fly an F-35. That’s what I paid to demolish a kitchen to create an activity area for disabled residents.

    Let’s not even think of all the hours of training for each soldier and the years of productivity that are erased with each well placed bullet.

    War is doubly expensive when we factor in the opportunity cost of what hasn’t been built with these funds.

    Triply so when we think of the destruction. Even a just war doesn’t negate the wanton waste of such a calamity.

    And then we’ll have to rebuild it — if we get that chance.

    ~

    Some Links

    Last year, I stumbled across Bobby Timmons due to his brilliant Christmas album Holiday Soul. I recently discovered his awesome album This Here is Bobby Timmons. His life ended much too early, but he left us with some great music.

    Nadia Gerassimenko writes an eclectic smorgasbord of essays, fiction, poetry, and guest posts that pulls from a wide field of influences including pop, horror, and video games. It’s always a pleasure to read, Her recent story “Siren with a soft sign” is a haunting story of a woman transforming into a flower bed.

    I first met Debbie Ridpath Ohi elsewhere, but when she had Inkgirl I knew that Substack’s new “Notes” social media platform had a place for me. Her posts are always insightful, and her occasional long essays about her experience as an illustrator are applicable to anyone who starting (or continuing) a new endeavor.

    ~

    Captain Wilkins and Staff Sergeant Joyce on a British Mark V tank, France, 1918

    ~

    Thanks for reading!
    Justus Pang, RA

  • A schedule, back at home

    Now that I’m WFH again…I took a moment to schedule my ideal work day.

    After doing a 4×10 schedule at the office for the past five months, I decided to schedule for 9 hour workdays for the return of a five day week at home. The extra work hour gives me a flexible hour (or commute time) on any given day, or a half-day Friday.

    • 5-7: Exercise, Read, Write
    • 7-9: Work (2 hours)
    • 9am Breakfast
    • 10-2: Work (4 hours)
    • 2pm Lunch
    • 3-6: Work (3 hours)
    • 6-9: Kids, Dinner, Music, Draw
    • 9pm Sleep (8 hours)

    Of course there’s no chance it will work as planned — I’m already scheduled for four site visits next week!

    I’m curious if any of this silly, mundane dream of middle life pans out.

  • AI can write what I write, but it can’t be who I am.

    Three disconnected links.

    Tears in the Rain

    Borges on Rewriting a Classic

    Inhabiting the space to (re)create the work — “Pierre Menard, Author of the Quixote”

    Mixing Bible Stories

    1 Kings 19:11&12 (to Elijah), Exodus 3:14 (to Moses)

    And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake: And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

    And God said, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.

  • Our House

    To celebrate our 10 year anniversary, I’m sharing this house that has been a part of our marriage for 9 years and 7 months.

    The 1,100 sf house was constructed in 1952 and needed a complete renovation.

    Along with an complete update of the plumbing and electrical systems, the kitchen was rearranged with the former laundry room opened up for interior access and the insertion of a new powder room within the existing footprint.

    Exterior work included a new roof, retrofitting the carport structure, and new concrete flatwork.

    We performed the work as owner, architect, and general contractor overseeing the major trades. We also installed and refinished the interior throughout the house.

    Project Description

    This project was a constant irritant for four years, and we only lived in it for a few months. But it was worth it. We’ve had a great tenant for the last five years, and it set me up for the second phase of my career.

    I had always been an employee without subordinates. This was the first time I managed other people. I suspect the hard won experience in difficult negotiations and contractor conflicts came through in my interview, helping me grab this job and preparing me to be an Owner PM.

    Every architect should remodel their house, once.

    This remodel also taught me to treasure the moment and trust my wife.

    By the time we moved in, she was pregnant with the boy. Once he arrived, we moved back in with her parents so they could help with the kids. Then the girl started school in their neighborhood and we never came back.

    The universe doesn’t care how long you’ve taken to pursue a dream. Maybe you’ll get nothing, but sometimes it will be kind. Be grateful for those moments, however short. We got a Thanksgiving and Christmas in our house.

    Victory is fleeting, and time moves fast. This experience taught me to be picky with my commitments. I learned to focus on activities where I’ve already won by merely doing. (That’s why I’ll never do another house remodel!)

    Remodeling isn’t easy with two architects. I tend to rush, but she would sense something amiss and pause. So we’d stop. And think. And redesign. Again and again.

    Each delay took days, but it kept getting better. Replay this drama a few times and I got the message. If she’s not ready, then I know something is wrong. I learned to trust her instincts.

    I suspect most folks can learn such lessons without a miserable house remodel, but this was our crucible. Here’s to a decade, let’s hope for many more!

  • What Percent Are You?

    I was curious about my lot in life,
    Of course the Wall Street Journal had an answer.

    I started with my current wage.
    Top 6%. Nice!

    Added demographic information.
    “Male, Asian, Gen X, with an Advanced Degree”
    Down to 44%!

    Barely above the median!
    Last year, I joined a Slack channel with Berkeley alums.
    It was obvious that I was the lowest earning member.

    What to make of it?

    Well, I’m damn lucky.
    Even as the underachiever among my peers, I’m doing better than fine.
    A sign that I was born halfway between third base and home plate.

    When I compare myself against the guys on Slack,
    I remind myself of the people building my projects,
    Trading their bodies for an hourly wage.
    I was there too, moving dirt in the Oakland hills,
    But just a short-timer before grabbing a desk job.

    I’m blessed with a good career, with meaningful work that I enjoy.
    A gig that leaves time to hang out with the kids.
    Earning enough, we don’t worry about money.

    Why am I comparing myself against others?
    #Enough is #Winning, everything else is #Vanity.

    #Gratitude

  • Summer, Joe Hisashi, 1999

    In January 2020, the Vegas arts scene was struck with an early tragedy when Alexander Huerta suddenly passed away.

    Given our fears of the incoming pandemic, I skipped his wake, though I left some offerings outside his studio before the world shut down.

    I met Alex in his studio during a First Friday art walk soon after moving to Vegas ten years ago. He was working on a series of collages with old black and white magazine images on a black scratchboard background.

    As an architect, I was struck with the sparseness of the series with its urban perspectives. I lent him an exhibition monograph of black and white collages by Romare Bearden.

    Over the years, I’d deliver old architectural sets to his studio. I was excited to see his work exhibited at the library — some of my drawings had been incorporated into his collages! We enjoyed the occasional chat, where I learned that he used to valet cars at a casino, but taught himself how to paint, rescuing himself from alcoholism with the brush.

    These chats didn’t happen nearly enough, because of the arrivals of my daughter and then her brother. One day, I planned on introducing him to my kids, when they were old enough to understand what it meant, “Here’s a real artist!”

    Then again, the kids see him every day, in two small paintings I picked up from our time together. The best money I’ve spent in Vegas.

    perspective of a black and white collage with the artist in the background.

    February 2020 was a long month, processing the loss and watching the pandemic inexorably work its way towards our shores.

    During that time, I listened to this song on repeat. I was lucky to find something that meshed perfectly with my emotional turmoil.

    In America, Joe Hisaishi is known for his collaborations with Studio Ghibli, but this song isn’t from one of those films. Maybe that’s why it touched my soul. I could imprint this music with my own memories.

    Even though those personal and global tragedies came in winter, I always think of this song when it gets hot.

    The air conditioning kicked on for the first time yesterday.

    Welcome to “Summer”.

    I never reclaimed that book, I should replace my old copy.

  • Basic Structures of Buddhism, R. Eno

    While reading the Bodhicaryavatara, I was struck at its resonance with Christianity.

    It has an intense focus on good and bad (defilement), a clear conception of hell, a strident moral directive evangelize (alleviate suffering), and even included a chapter of detailed logical argumentation to prove the another world is more real than our physical world.

    I did not expect this Buddhist text to rhyme so closely to my experience as a reformed Baptist high schooler — there even multiple passages that even vilifies sexual desire!

    Over the past few years, I had focused on Confucianism and Daoism which feels totally foreign from Christianity. I assumed Buddhism would be similarly alien from the religion of my childhood. It wasn’t.

    I needed a quick primer on Buddhism to reset my expectations, and this short essay by Robert Eno delivered. It covered a lot of ground in a quick read and I enjoyed Eno’s slightly irreverent tone. Clearly, he has taught this material many times to sleep deprived college students.

    ~

    To wildly speculate on parallels with Christianity, Buddhism came as a reform religion, stripping away calcified rituals, with an focus on (avoiding) the next life, and had an egalitarian imperative that energized it to spread across the continent.

    In contrast, Confucianism and Daoism were uninterested in the question of salvation. These were elite philosophies that were wrestling with how to craft a state (or withdraw from the brutality of court politics) in the throes of a dying empire.

    ~

    As a pantheistic atheist, I often worry about the old warning “if you believe in nothing you’ll believe in anything”. Hopefully I don’t fall into that trap, but I also can’t shake the intuition that billions of people can’t be all wrong. At the very least, there must something that has made these teachings worth transmitting to the next generation again and again over the millennia.

    ~

    I never skip a chance to plug Robert Eno’s great chinatxt website. Go check it out.

    I started a Great Courses lecture series by Malcom David Eckel, I’m enjoying it so far (two hours into the twelve hour course).

  • The Tracks, 2000

    I snuck out of Berkeley with an architecture degree even though I only completed one architecture studio (while dropping out of a second architecture studio, taking three visual studies studios and one landscape architecture studio).

    The landscape studio consisted of a series of quick projects, including this exploration of remediating an abandoned rail line using plants to pull heavy chemicals out of the soil.

    It seemed fitting to share this long buried project for Earth Day.

    This studio was as much an art studio as a design studio, which isn’t a surprise when you check out Professor Chip Sullivan. This piece was an homage to old science fair presentations, with infographics and drawings, using oil pastels and ink.

    With the re-discovery of my old fountain pen late last year, I am now finally finishing the very last of that red ink, twenty three years later.

    Over a cup of coffee, my friend defined a group of design students who are basically art majors. There is much appeal to straddling both worlds. What can be better than savoring a creation with no “ifs” about how it might actually be in “real life”? To make is the most primal human activity. Yet “to make” also encompasses “to imagine”. To think a drawing represents a viable space 57,600 times its size, to believe “these” certain lines will best direct the movement of hundreds of people over the next fifty years — that demands imagination. A design education challenges and refines raw imagination. For those who cannot rise above the flatland of pure art or refuse to descend from a theoretical ivory tower, let them remain trapped. While the opportunity remains, I will precariously attempt to scale both worlds high on caffeine.

    It’s a bit cringe to read what you wrote as a 20 year old.

    ~

    Hindu thought includes a roadmap of life with four stages. These college drawings were the climax of my work as a Student.

    In their system, I should be wrapping up my time as a Householder, but I’ve got another fifteen years before Retirement (I doubt the ancient system expected folks to be making babies in their late thirties…or Social Security age limits).

    Even though I might be late on the ancient Hindu time schedule, I’ve noticed that my attitude has changed towards work in the past eighteen months. I’ve lost appetite for business books. I still think about my role as a project manager, but I no longer study “leadership”. I work a hard 40 hours, but I’m not turning that dial up to 11.

    I wonder if that next stage in life will be in letters, as with my little library, or if it will be a return to making art.

    If it’s the latter, I need to make some space to get messy. It’s been much too long since I’ve gotten my hands dirty.

  • Unimportant Politics

    Living in a democracy is a great privilege, but most of human history developed in tyrannies that we would find unbearable. And yet, our ancestors persisted to create a society with the rich cultural heritage that we enjoy today.

    We should fight hard to protect our freedoms and improve the world. But I hope that our legacy will be more than a properly functioning government.

    Politics is a worthy vocation for those who are called. Thank to all who fight the good fight. As citizens, we have a responsibility to vote intelligently, so we can’t just completely tune out current events.

    But there is no duty to give our lives to the news entertainment complex elevating politics into pomp, circumstance, and an unending string of existential crises.

    There’s more to life than politics. It’s not everything. Hell, it might not even be the most important thing (even for a cold materialist like me!)